I think I have had an overall healthy
lifestyle for most of my life. I
figured while here on earth I get one body, so why not take care of it and then
see what it’s capable of.
Then slowly, bit by bit, the effects of als
began to creep through and I began to lose my body.
The foot drop started in my left foot and
that is when I began to trip. Sometimes I would catch my toe on the edge of a
rug or an uneven sidewalk crack. If I
would put too much weight on the outside of a foot, pivot too quickly or walk
backwards… Those careless movements would topple me over.
I tripped and stumbled and fell with
increasing frequency.
For much of that time there was a walker in
my bedroom sitting there gathering dust.
What’s that? Why wasn’t I using the walker? I would have to say it was because I was (am)
stubborn. I wanted to use up every
independent step I had. I knew once I
started using the walker there was no going back to unassisted walking.
Losing the ability to walk normal was
devastating. Walking is just something
you do. You shouldn’t have to think
about putting one foot in front of the other.
I have mentioned this before, but it blew my mind that for the first
time in my life I couldn’t just exercise harder to get stronger. I would still go to the gym and use the
elliptical machine to try and maintain the muscle I had, although there was no hope of building any new muscle.
Eventually the process of going to the gym
took too much energy. I bought a stationary
recumbent bike off of the classifieds and “worked out” at home. I used to do a simplified yoga to stretch
my always tight muscles.
The day finally came when I was tired of always
being worried about falling. I sat on my
bed looking at the walker and finally took hold. And that was the end of unassisted
walking. But, more importantly, it was
the start of increased safety. The
walker provided needed balance and when I was tired I could turn around and sit
on the seat. Once I finally started using
the walker I felt a greater peace of mind.
Hindsight being 20/20, I should have started
using the walker long before.
Some time has passed since then and now I
only use the walker minimally during transfers and have moved on to… The wheelchair.
Mentally this was a VERY difficult transition
to go from walking to sitting. The first time I took the wheelchair out I
went on a walk with my sister and I was on the verge of tears the entire time. I was grieving the loss of my ability to
walk.
But, it was time. The wheelchair has provided so much more
freedom to go where I want. I love being able to go to the park with my
kids or to 7-11 and get slurpees. I can
go on trails, or to Red Butte Garden or the zoo and not be completely exhausted
afterwards. We have a lift on the back
of our minivan to transport it around.
It works well enough since I can still walk a few steps with Jeff’s
assistance to transfer from chair to minivan.
I am so grateful he has big muscles :)
Sometimes when Jeff will ask me, “What do you
want to do today?”
I say, “I want to go for a run.”
Don’t feel sorry for me (Ugh). Pity and self-pity is something I try hard
to avoid.
I just think that it would be so cool to break
out of this body and RUN.
